The Last Day of January!!!

Boy, am I glad to get this month behind me! Now only one more month without Gary!!! I just hope I am totally back to normal by the time he gets here.

When picking my son up from school today I ran into one of the teenage girls from my old caseload. She looked great and we were obviously SO glad to see one another. We always had a great bond (not the same little girl I mentioned in a previous post). I was the first person she disclosed her years of sexual abuse to. We went through her pregnancy (her's, not mine obviously) and a court trial together and I was always amazed by her strength. I see her every couple of months or so since I left work, but now she is attending my son's high school so we'll be seeing each other most days. Today she told me she was going to ask her "new" social worker if I could be her foster parent (she currently has a great foster parent who both she & I adore). I explained to her that that probably wouldn't be the greatest idea since she is so close in age to my son, I'm not licensed for foster care, etc. However, she just kept saying that she was going to talk to her "new" social worker about it. This is the dilema of social work. How do you care about these kids and sometimes become their psuedo parent while still keeping those boundaries in place? This is one of the reasons I left this job. I just can't let these kids go. One of my other teenagers (one that I have mentioned in previous posts) called last night and left a message for me to call her. Even though she is very near finalizing her adoption with a great family, who she loves dearly, that bond is always there. It's just hard to figure out what my real "role" is now. I have four of these teenage girls that I maintain contact with (we live in a small county). It's just hard to figure out what my new "role" is. I'm not the social worker, of course I'm not the mother, I'm not the friend......I just don't know what I am to them now. Most importantly, I don't want to do anything to hinder their bonding to their new families. But, on the other hand, I don't want in any way to appear to be rejecting them because in all four cases, I was the first adult that they were able to trust. Wow, I miss that job and I don't miss that job!

Hugs,
Cara

10 Years Younger

I'm back from my surgery and amazed at how good I feel. My doctor and the nursing staff all were amazed at how quickly I recovered and attributed it to my being in good physical shape. I am almost one week post-op now and about to go bananas to get out and about!!! I lost another couple of pounds - probably that pesky uterus. Now that I'm out of surgery, I realized how horrible I have been feeling for the longest time. I hope none of you other ladies out there suffer like I did just because one doctor tells you there is nothing wrong with you. I've been having so many female problems for years and I went to a male doctor and he said, "Oh, that doesn't seem abnormal." Well, my new doctor assured me that things were "abnormal" if I thought they were, because I know my own body and what is normal and abnormal for it. As it turned out, there was something wrong with me - adenomyosis. Which is a real condition that generally doesn't show up on most tests and can really only be diagnosed after a hysterectomy. It can also be very painful and cause lots of problems. So, I'm kicking myself for waiting 3 years between that first and second opinion. But, I must say, I already feel 10 years younger.

My mother came out to stay with me during my surgery and my father stayed with my kids. I only spent one night in the hospital - although I was offered 2 nights. While under my self-controlled morphine drip, I spilled my guts to my mother. I really cleared the air. I talked a lot about never feeling that I could meet her standards and about my battle with anorexia. The conversation was pretty one-sided, but I think it went well and she left Saturday and didn't seem to have any hard feelings about any of it. She said that I had a total different perception of what she usually means when she says things. Isn't that the way with all mothers and daughters??!! Help me out ladies. I see this with my own daughters. I guess those are things that I'll just have to continue to work on as a mother and a daughter - it's hard being either or both. Also, I think I have got to put in more work about not defining myself by the way I look - that is my daily struggle.

Thanks to all of you who kept me in your thoughts and prayers during this time. I feel like a million bucks - well, maybe 1/2 a million. When my doctor releases me to get back to my daily life I'll probably feel like a million! lol

Hugs,
Cara

I'm Back!

Sorry that I've been out of touch lately. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've had a few health problems (not related to weight). I had to have a D&C on the 28th and now will have to have a hysterectomy on the 24th of this month. So, since my hormones have been TOTALLY out of whack, I haven't been posting. At any rate, I feel a little better now and am ready to get this over with. The good news is that I continue to lose/gain the same pound every few days. The bad news is that I will be out of the gym for quite a while after the surgery. This will drive me (and everyone around me) nuts! So I'm hoping that I'll be SO doped up that I cannot really talk much! lol

Hugs,
Cara